I always wondered if I died earlier in the years after high school, how many people would comment on our very "real" bond of friendship and if it was

7 years

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I always wondered if I died earlier in the years after high school, how many people would comment on our very “real” bond of friendship and if it was genuine at all. When I contemplated suicide and disappearing from this world, I wondered what they think of me before and after I left. I used to be scared about that. Still am, but it is less.

New Confession

So horned up. Im dressed feminine, shaved, perfumed, nails red, peeny up in pink p@nty.

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I repent for blasphemy against holy spirit disbelieving somethings in bible sry but im still struggling with some things but i beilueve he exists anx mlst the bible. I still think some things are not great advice or many parts are contradictory. I believe jesus exists does for ours sins & the Trinidadian thing etc etc it’s just a couple small things in bible that I get stuck on I also disbelieve he can hear me pray. It’s not bc I don’t believe he hears anyone’s prayers or bc satan is whispering lies telling me Jesus can’t hear me etc it’s just feels like I’ve been praying on my knees for long time and many things never got better in 2 years I actually feel worse in life and faith then i did 2 years ago. But I do read the bible more/bible studies. Can’t get myself to pray very much these days. I used to pray 2 to 3 times a day now I just feel like.. just nothingness when I pray been like that for like a year