vodka is still my drink of choice or liquors but I am much more careful now then I used to be. I made some big mistakes with alcohol a number of years ago and I really should have known better, growing up in a family of generations of people with alcoholism. I used to see my great uncle who fought in ww2 in NPG go through shocking alcoholism and withdrawal and it was a illness that was merciless on him and my grandmother. I seen him have many epileptic grand mal seizures, shakes and vomiting and it was quite shocking for a little girl of 5 to see that and all the while he was molesting me.

my grandmother was a server alcoholic and the house burnt down either due to her drinking or someone else, but for all I seen I always swore I would never be a victim to alcoholism… when all the gay taunts started and I was raped I was drinking to just numb every emotion, til my stomach just could not take the drink much.

I always loved vodka like no tomorrow and I think its made from potato peels or some dash think and I was gaining weight. and taking medications that was bad for my kidneys.

so anyway as time went on I got sick of feeling sick and gave it up. and leaned on prescribed medication for depression and I still have terrible days of giggling stupidly about nothing like I was high and then plummeting into absolute depths of depression.

now I drink wine or liquors sparingly

but I ask myself “how could someone half as intelligent be so stupid to get so drunk and paralytic mixing two heavy drinks of wine and scotch and passing out on my mothers bed… in the middle of a liver infection be so stupid… to do that. I was so depressed and I cried over anything and spent the night as ill as can be.

I have learnt my lesson with drink in much the same way I learnt harder with d******** …

we are all capable of falling… no matter who we are.

I believe real friends do pick you up and turn your heart around when you need them the most.