yesterday I had a way out massage but still in pain. It hurt! I just can’t relax at all. thinking about trying valium or stronger doze of anti-depressant. I am in pain and I have flu and I have certain “other” pains that are bothering me right now that make it hard to think or talk. I feel like no one likes me. I live to shop, which sounds so superficial I know, but in fact I am not that shallow underneath. its my defense mechanism to cope. its just that I am shy and am hopeless in social situations. when I am dressed prettier for special events even my good friends who are not as attractive as me take up with the guys I like. then I feel hurt wondering why they don’t look at me. I am not really this “crazy wild party girl” never was. I sit at home with the herbs and pick aphids off the rose bushes is more me. I wish you could see who I really am. I am sick of getting hurt by men. then all these men said to me “you study too much” and I think I don’t study enough.
