I found my old phone last night. I charged it up to see what was on it. And then I saw the text log. The last person I talked to on that phone was my ex. And after going back through countless conversations I literally cannot feel worse. I wish I could go back and beat the living f*** out of myself and tell me not to lose her. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t the bad one. I guess that’s how I was able to cope with the loss. But after re reading those chats.. I’m a certified scumbag. I had a girl that would have died for me. And I fucked it up because I was too immature and selfish. And I’ve literally cried about ten times today just thinking about it. It’s like I’m going through the break up all over again. I miss her so much. But I didn’t deserve her and I still don’t. I didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her. F*** I hate myself. F*** f*** f***.