Alright. So I've been with this guy for almost a year. Our relationship has been unhealthy at best. Early on in our relationship, I had sex with two

13 years

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Alright. So I’ve been with this guy for almost a year. Our relationship has been unhealthy at best. Early on in our relationship, I had s** with two different guys. Months later, I went to a concert and made out/danced on guys. Recently, after a one day break up, I made out with some random guy and tried to have s** with him, just to get some emotional revenge. I justify my past actions by either lying to myself and convincing myself the instances never happened, or reason its what he deserves due to all the cruel things he has said or done to me.
What bothers me though, is that I promise him, I swear on everything I never once cheated on him. Never even wanted to touch another guy. The emotional abuse coupled with something of a s** addiction still eats away at me. Sometimes, the cheating makes me feel better, in control. I smirk while we fight, kind of like the satisfaction of “I know something you don’t know.” The thing is, he promises me he never once cheated. Swears on everything. Which makes me think, if I’m holding this back, could he? Reasonable enough, he’s a drug addict with various mental disorders, he acts impulsively and I have caught him in multiple lies. I know if its revealed that either of us cheated, our relationship would be over. And its so scary. I never felt this way towards another human being. I’m not the person I used to be before I met him. I love him, and I’m sorry and pathetic and cheap. It doesn’t help he threatened to kill me if he ever found out that I did something like that.
I wish someone would grow a pair, and we could both admit we fucked eachother over, and move on with our f****** lives.
But I can never be sure.

New Confession

taking a shower with my dad in the celler after work , i said to him dad you are soo much larger than me can i touch it? yes rub it softly he said i did and it got larger the skin had pulled back he was rubbing my lil one he drew me loser said leanover and s*** it softly , i got excited i was trying to s*** it it was too large, he pulled my headdown and whispered now s*** it son softly no teeth/ i had the head in my mouth he was holdingthe back of my head he was moving it now in my mouth . u like it dont you yes dad alot please let me s*** u daily in this shower? yes but u must empty it first u need to emoty it u understand? u must swollow it all no wasting it. hev was moving in my mouth holding my headb gaging me now. then a large amount of was cream leaked in my mouth he held my head tight i was gagging hesaid swolow it all now your my lil, botch now arent you u need it dont you.. i mumbled yes dad please let me do this every day,he said a few times a weekyour sister needs her turn also. i fraked out you mean lil kimmey does this to you also, ys and shes very greatfull if i lick her lil p**** to. oh god id lve to also lick her. shewll s*** u soon will u like that , id die firtat dad thank you, u like to watch us dad?yes no fooling arround without me here u understand, oh i promise dad ii knelt and sucked his c*** for him, again,

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