A confession of my heart…

I’m using this notepad program because its 4:30 in the morning and I have no one else to talk to about this. There’s someone in my life that I’m very fond of and so deeply that deep down inside I know I love him. When I am with him I always feel happy when he is happy, and when he feel’s distresed all I can do and think is how I can make him happy again. He has self esteem issues I know, but after knowing him as long as I’ve known him I know its not because of his own fault, it’s because he’s never had a chance to be given the opprotunity to prove himself in anything he’s ever attempted because he was given a raw hand each time. It’s gotten to the point to where I know I can look past all his issues, all his faults because I want to be there for him to help him realise his dreams as much as I want to realise them, his health and welfare being the only concern in my life for him.

I’m going to talk to him when he gives me the time to do so, and when he does I’ll lay it out to him there on how I feel and what I want. Whatever his decision is I’ve promised myself (however hard it may be) to accept what it is if he doesn’t feel the same way about me, but in the end at least I can say I tried. I had this chance one time a long time ago, but he met me at an improper moment in my life, hell at a time when I hadn’t even come to terms with my s********. I didn’t know what the hell entailed a relationship so I couldn’t properly articulate what it was I was looking for. Now, after being absent for about 3 years or so and having had a couple relationships under by belt, I know now what it was I was looking for. Before I simply convinced myself that it wasn’t meant to be and that I would find another person in my life, but every time I had someone else there all I could feel is that something was missing in each one. then, after reconecting with him after I finally saw what I was missing, it was him.

I know I’m moving in rather fast since his wife left him, but given the circumstances this is the last window I have left to tell him how I feel before it closes forever when I move into the westward sun one last time. It may seem like a crude thing that I swoop in after his wife just left but that’s where I want to prove my point, that I’ll never abandon him even when times are tough and when the odds seem stacked high, that even in poverty (god forbid it should ever happen) that I would be just as content if he were there at my side, and I would rip the world apart just to make sure he was provided for and happy.

Love is a strange thing for me, it has been for a very long time, but i’m not blind when I see it, just intimidated by it when I met him very young. Hopefully now, after a good couple weathering years, he’ll be able to see the strength in me to carry that love through and immortalize it until the never ever takes us both, and even then I’ll fight to carry it beyond that chasm until my very existance ceases to exist and even go so far as to sell my soul to dream him wide awake for once… if only he gives me this one chance to prove it.