I’m losing my f****** mind, I need something to keep me on a high, I don’t mean drugs high, but like, something that keeps me feeling alive, I can’t do this I can’t I can’t everything is falling apart, my life, my school, everything. I might start doing drugs honestly — actually no that’s f****** stupid I’m not gonna die for relief.

BUT I NEED ALCOHOL AT LEAST, I NEED NEED NEED IT, I’M LOSING MY F****** MIND I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS FOREVER GOD F*** MAN

i don’t want to start smoking, I’m nearly 3 years free of smoking, and it made my life so much better, but god it helped so much.

Sosososo much.

I. I need to hold out, I need to get drunk, I’ll get alcohol eventually? Yeah hopefully, I need to drown everything out. god I want some f****** help I don’t want to be like this I really don’t but I just.

I should invest in therapy? Maybe maybe maybe, but. One flaw; I’M BROKE! so that’s a no go.

talking to people don’t help

I’m not depressed, happy, sad, angry, anything just. I don’t know

I need to relax, relax relax relax relax relax relax.
Deep breaths.

deep breaths.

I have school tomorrow

AND I’M PERFORMING FOR A F****** ASSEMBLY. WHY. I DON’T PRACTICE, NO MOTIVATION TOO, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS.

I miss the days where all I had to worry about was my pistachios, my few friends I loved with all my heart, and my shows.

I wish I could go back, I really do love life, I love living life, but I don’t love what life does to me. It’s like a drug, making me feel so good, but destroying me.

anyways I’m finna yeet myself out of bed and scream in a shower ok bye ily all