I am dealing with a lot. I become self destructive involuntarily. Just like a few mins ago I was playing poker and lost a ton(play money not cash but still) and then blurted out something I shouldn’t have. Basically I gave out a little poker tip or secret that is somewhat obvious but still I gave it away and that was self destructive. I hate it. F****** hate it. I don’t know what to do. I become so guilty afterwards. And it is scary because it is involuntary and then I get guilty afterwards it is like I can’t control it or something. God I need help. F*** I hope I get help.
