Another (clearly necessary update) on my friends daughter. Necessary because of narrow minded pervs, who have no f****** idea what they are talking about, which is why the world is falling apart in the first place, and also why kids have no f****** idea how to treat each other, and thus we have school shootings all over the place. But I digress.
Let me begin by saying that I have no intention of discrediting her ability to make rational decisions, and smart choices in any way, and I have no intention of trying to influence her not to have friends her own age, or otherwise. I also am not trying to influence her to seek out an older companion.
But I will not for a second allow the belief that it is inappropriate to have older friends, or younger for that matter. Is it wrong for a younger sibling to hang out with an older one? No. That is because there is ‘normally’ no s***** stigmas attached to sibling relationships. But why does every other relationship have to be given the “S***** Endangerment” label, and therefore force normal, safe, and uplifting individuals to be associated with such a stereotype?
There is nothing inappropriate about when I used to hang out with the old men and women in town because I liked hearing their stories, and valued their opinions and advice. There was nothing inappropriate about me choosing to befriend older role models when I was growing up. In fact, my aunt’s best friend was my go to hang out until I was almost a senior in high school.
None of that affected my relationships with people my own age, nor did it make me socially awkward. If anything, it probably taught me lessons I wouldn’t have learned until later otherwise, and helped me to avoid many bad up and coming situations. Because of what I saw in her, and in how she treated people around her, and all the advice she gave me when it came to girls, I learned what to look for in a healthy relationship. Furthermore, that advice affected my decision making process, which ultimately lead up to me finding my soul mate. We were married happily for 4 years, and dated for 10. I learned how to be a good man because I sought the advice and friendship of an older woman. So I cannot be convinced that it was inappropriate in any way. If my wife had not died back in December of 2015, we would still be happily married, and I would owe most of the credit to the lessons I learned from older, more mature people. People like my parents, and my parents’ friends, not my peers.
In fact, most of my peers were a bad influence on me. The fact of this matter is: Children don’t learn good decision making from the advice of their peers, they learn it from the adults who teach them. It is entirely possible to learn from mistakes, but it is also absolutely ok to avoid them too.
I’m not saying it’s bad for her to hang out with kids her own age, neither am I saying it ever was. What I am saying, is that it is not, nor will it ever be inappropriate for her to seek friendship from me. So whereas I understand what you mean, please stop using that word to describe it.
As for giving her credit, I and everybody else around here knows that she has a good head on her shoulders, and that she is perfectly capable of making great decisions and thinking for herself. So as you consider that, ask yourself: “If she is a smart, capable young lady, then why should I question her decision to seek friendship from her father’s friend?” She clearly knows right from wrong, and knows the value of asking constructive questions when she doesn’t know the answers herself. So if she feels that this decision is a good one, and you just said yourself that I should give her more credit, then why are you so apt to say she is wrong?
She is a very intelligent young lady, but we both know that she is a teenager with very little life experience and that wisdom will come with age, and mistakes will happen, and all that jazz, and that’s ok. She has simply chosen the path that leads her to seek the counsel of those who have already been where she is, and made some of those mistakes before, which I actually think is a very smart decision on her behalf. Do you disagree? If so; why?
She has quite a few friends, and a handful of those have been given the honor of having her full confidence and trust. She attends public school, and interacts socially with children her own age on a daily basis, and not once have I ever dreaded her going there, because I do have confidence in her, just like her father. She knows how to select good friends, and stay out of trouble, I will never doubt her ability to remain pure spirited and kind hearted. But that isn’t the issue. The issue is that there are many bad eggs out there, and most of them just happen to be the product of a childhood full of unnecessary b*******.
If you think for a moment, that all children are as awesome as she is, then you are mistaken. There are some out there that are conniving, hormonally unstable, and really difficult for someone without real world wisdom to spot. Which is why our precious children, are taught by adults, and not their peers. If teenagers are all-the-wiser right now, then we are wasting our time teaching them are we not? Why not just go ahead and hand over the world to them right now? Because we both know they aren’t ready yet. Which is why I will never turn her away and continue to teach her valuable lessons for as long as she is willing to learn them.
Before I close this up, I would like to address another comment that was made on this matter. Which stated that (paraphrasing) …”nobody should doubt her ability to recognize when a boy is playing games with her.” I absolutely agree, and nobody does. But you and I both know that there are some very clever ones out there too. If you are one of the 5% of us who have never been fooled in this way, then I applaud you. But the sad fact is that there is always that one guy/girl, who is a master at pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes. But let’s just say she is clever enough to spot them coming and avoid heartache. Ok. But what about the fact that teenagers are still developing hormones, and their brains for that matter, and therefore, they sometimes do things to themselves or others, that THEY don’t even agree with. So even if she meets a great guy, and selects him well, he is still a teenager, and might inadvertently against his own better judgement, try to do something that they will both regret later on in life. So I’m honestly glad that she has a friend like me to confide in, and consult with before making such huge, life impacting decisions.
Getting back to my first point: Whereas I don’t have feelings for her, I don’t agree that allowing her to pursue me in such a way would be constructive at all. So case closed on that. But what if the feelings she has persist until a later time, when she is mature enough to act on them correctly herself. What then? For example; what if when she turns 23, she decides she likes me again? It would no longer be “inappropriate” then would it? So whereas I will not encourage her to romantically pursue me, I will also not discourage it. Because, who knows? Maybe one day things will change. But for now, she is still a growing child herself, and until she understands these feelings in their entirety, and has the emotional control to build a lasting relationship, I don’t think it is a good idea for her to pursue a romantic relationship with some hormone infested teenage boy either.
To put a little icing on this monstrous text-cake, I will go back to an earlier point and say; I am proud to announce that she has also befriended and is mentoring a younger person, and you know what? I am proud of her for it, and am very confident that she will help that child in the same way I am helping her. I have faith that she will help that young person grow into an amazing adult one day. I have faith in these things because I know that she was taught well herself, and only encourage people to understand that these lessons she was taught did not come from her social ‘peers’ they came from grown ups. Grown a** men and women who care about her, and want only what’s best for her.
So drop the bs about ‘relationships with older people are inappropriate’ unless you have forgotten who took care of you all those years. Because they were adults too.