this morning I thought about killing myself…I thought about the pills I have in the house..none of them would be strong enough to kill me, just probably kill my liver or kidneys. I thought longer about slicing my wrists, what would I use? All the knives are too dull and I dont think I have any razors, but if I did I would be fully dressed and in the bathtub to minimize the mess. I then thought about telling someone, but what good is a suicide if you’re going to tell someone?? Today is one of my daughters birthday- she is 22 and lives in Raleigh, NC she got fired from her job today and everytime I ask her to come home she says no. My job is overwhelming and my gf left 5 weeks ago. She says she loves me and wants to be with me, yesterday she said she wants to come back home. Thats all I want..I want us to be happy again, but today she wasn’t sure about the timeframe. I sit in an empty house most of the week by myself, working. Today I went to a funeral and while I was there I thought of killing myself in the car..putting something in the exhaust and just sitting in the driveway with the car running. who would really look to see? I could lay down on the seat and back the car up to the house and no one would really notice, except to hear it running. They would think I ran inside the house. I also thought I could park it around back in t he alley where no one would know or maybe behind a building when it is dark. I am tired…I am tired of fighting an uphill battle all the time, I am tired of not really making anything special out of my life. I am tired of not being enough for someone to stay with me. I am just tired. I am sick, I am tired and I want the pain to go away.