12 years
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I looked up my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on facebook. Stalked her almost. Created a fake account tailor-made to make it seem the profile was of someone from the same area as her, someone who went to her college. I even sent a message hoping she’d accept. Her photos were private and her profile photo was that of a celebrity. I had to see what she looked like. Give a face and body to the girl who meant so much to my boyfriend at one point of time, someone he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, someone who broke his heart. The heart of the boy I liked for four years but didn’t say anything because he was with her. Weirdly thankful that she broke his heart. I was happy when he told me she broke up with him. I was there for him, listened to him as he told me of how she hurt him. Before when they were going out, she would come up once in a while in our conversations.

I was confused whether I liked him though. He was depressed, almost beyond reach. So when I thought a mutual friend liked him (a girl I did not like) I told him, thinking it would lift his spirits. Later, when I was on the brink of falling for him, I found out he asked her out. But she was taken. It didn’t bother me so much, except this girl told my friends how lame he is, what a liar he is. I couldn’t stand the fact that my friends were telling me a girl who has known him for 3 months knew him better than I did-I who had known him for 4 years. That stings till today. He still talks to her, even after I told him why I don’t like her. He still thinks of her as a good friend for some off reason. I hate it. I’ve told him I don’t mind the friendship, but I can’t handle it so he should keep her out of our conversations.

I feel all this wouldn’t happen if I were a bit more confident. I know he loves me, why he loves me. I know there’s no one else he cares for so much. I know we will spend the rest of our lives together. I suppose in time I won’t think about these girls and how I am inferior to them. But I wish that time passed quicker.

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