I met a guy online over a year ago through an online roleplay group. We quickly became friends and exchanged skypes. The two of us have been talking to each other online almost every day since then and things between us are reaching a point where I’m afraid I’m falling for him. About 3 months ago the two of us had a big fight, and after we talked it out and fixed the issue I told him that I think we should always be straight with each other from then on, no matter what it was. He agreed and even though it’s hard for both of us we’ve been trying to stick with that. We eventually started talking about how we feel about each other and realized that this whole time we’d been feeling the same thing, and we’ve been getting closer and closer since then.
The problem I’m having is that, I think I’m genuinely falling for him. He just told me a couple of minutes ago that he’s leaving for a few days and won’t have internet access…and after I read that I suddenly felt sick, like I was going to have an anxiety attack or something. At what point did I become so dependent on him? When I start needing him instead of just wanting him?
All of this has been via internet, he lives in Germany and I live in Africa. We’ve had voice/video calls over skype hundreds of times. The truth is when I first met him he was in a relationship already, so when I realized I was developing a crush I suppressed the feelings. Further on he told me things weren’t working out and I secretly hoped that they wouldn’t, I do feel bad about that though…
He was soon single again and we kept talking and ‘hanging out.’ After a little while I realized that the crush feelings were coming back. Now I’ve always stood by a rule that online crushes were never a good idea, also part of the reason I suppressed my feelings, but…no matter how hard I tried my crush wouldn’t go away.
It’s now been over a year, we’ve talked almost every day during that time, and we both have a pretty good idea of how we feel about each other. It’s still hard for both of us to talk about our feelings, as it’s not something we really are open about. We’re very similar in that respect and in a way that makes things harder.