A little over a year ago, I had fallen for this girl, she was everything I had wanted; Someone who could make me laugh, forgive my mistakes, and most importantly, make me feel needed. I would have done anything for her. She was pretty, smart, and had a wonderful attitude. For as much as I could tell, she was into me, also.

My best friend at the time had liked me, who was also friends with her, had constantly told me about the fights the two of them had, and warned me of her “inner b****”, but I still only had eyes for her. It got to the point where we would both be up until the sun rises, flirting and all that teen-aged nonsense, and it made me happy just to even get a “Hello :3” from her. I was the happiest person in the world for the first time in my life, and she was the first person I’d ever had serious feelings for. I had wanted a serious relationship with her.

Sometime during October, she stopped responding to anything I’d send her. She basically just stopped talking to me altogether. I had found out that she hooked up with someone and just abandoned me. This being my worst fear, and already having troubles with school, I completely shut everyone out and became a shadow of who I was. Fortunately, said best friend found out, and had comforted me V.I.A movies and cuddling.

In december, he felt like he should apologize for all the fights, and asked me to request she unblock him from facebook. Later that evening, he decided to describe his conversation, and how she was “sorry” for not telling me anything. I just hid my frown with a “okay, fine.” and smiled a bit, I should’ve been over it.

Now, he had been into me for, according to him, the moment we met, and had never really given up on me. He never forced anything, but would jokingly flirt about. And in January, we decided to give it a shot. I thought it’d help me get over her. I haven’t regretted the decision to this day.
A couple of days later, he tried messaging her, to which she explained it was “awkward since you and her got together”, and a few days later, she was asking him to leave me, and she would leave her hook-up. Of course, this only made me feel worse, on top of heartbreak, like rubbing salt in the wound. I just really wanted to punch everything around me at that point, and couldn’t sleep that night.

I was cool with her on FB, and would just ignore whatever, but since that moment, even seeing her name sends me into a rollar-coaster of emotions and I ended up un-friending her. Even now, I get angry….but then…there’s something else.

My boyfriend of 4 months, and best friend of 1 year, has made made me feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world. He’s so caring, and loyal. He’s a real knight in shining armor, and will let me wield my own metophorical blade right at his side.

But lately, even now, while I’m still extremely bitter towards her, I realized something. When I’m angry, there’s another set of emotions.
I’m sad that I wasn’t good enough for her to stay, and I miss her….I still kind of love her. While I want her to apologize to me, not through him, I just want her attention again, along with my spite and desire for some kind of vengeance.

I feel like the worst kind of person, and I can’t tell him, because I love him, and I couldn’t stand to lose him.

Is there anyone who can give me advice? I want to get over her, but then I don’t, and I’m confused and don’t know what to do.