13 years
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I am afraid of the people that I like.

I feel so nervous and self-conscious around anyone that I admire or respect that I can’t associate with them normally. As a result, I have very few friends, and that makes me feel worse. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of being ridiculed by or disappointing people, since all my life I’ve received a generous amount of praise as to my abilities and looks (and not just by my family). That fact makes me more afraid, because were I to tell anyone, they would probably not believe me and would think I was just looking for attention, or terribly ungrateful for my lot in life, etc…

I feel like it’s a disservice to my wonderful boyfriend that I can’t have fun and be social like normal people, and that also makes me feel worse.

Even when I get drunk, even when I get high, the anxiety doesn’t leave me. On the contrary, these things tend to give me more to worry about.

I wish I could stop caring so much about everything. I don’t know what to do.

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