I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10+ years. I’ve lied, cheated, ruined my career & almost Lost my child due to addiction beginning from pain after re-breaking my back with a disease having my son. While I’m a recovered addict from the drug I can’t control, & am a good mother, I’ve never regained my career & have been well taken care of & supported in every way possible by my bf whom stood by me & the best good human being I’ve ever met, let alone believed could exist. I met someone 3 years ago & moved coincidentally only very close to him last year. We say we’re best friends, we do have the benefits going on as well for a long time now with my boyfriend away constantly, & I believe he’s the love of my life. We’ve not said anything but how we love & care for each other & are twins almost in every way, but never did the whole confession that I’m IN love with him, & I believe he’s in love with me. I can’t leave my bf. He’s supporting both my son & I, is his father figure & best role model for him & has proven he won’t abandon me, which is my biggest hang up having been abandoned many times without reason &/or abused by those I’ve loved. Having seen how self destructive I am & not ok having too much freedom & needing to have someone to account to, I stay. My twin is not able to support me in the lifestyle I want, he & I would be both amazing & bad influences on each other as well. But all I do is want to be able to confess how much I love this other man to him. And not feel horrible I do. He says I’m the smartest woman because he knows what my bf provides for me & what is bad with him for me & believes that’s why we met, he gives me everything I don’t get from my bf & he won’t risk being in relationship after losing his fiancé to cancer so he has me to be his in his heart & his best friend for life. But if he could provide what I want for myself & son I know I would be with him forever & happily. I believe I’m being blessed & punished for my past by having him & suffering not being able to be with the one man I know can love me for all I am & am not.
