I am such a bad girl, I have been so naughty. I have no control over half my actions

But what I want to confess – I cant say if it is a sin, it is not a good thing .

My dad had a best friend when i was around 11, he was like my best friend, took me everywhere, taught me many things . and secretly i had a crush on him.

when my mum and dad broke up he got with her, and i think even to this day almost ten years on she is still in love with him

Anyway heres what i want to say, something i cannot tell a soul.

He came back and we reconnect and starting hanging out a lot again and as a child i had a little kid crush on him with never went away.

We started drinking and i seduced him. we have had s** quite a few times since and no body knows, its our little secret and we both wish we could have been the same age and in different circumstances, he said he would have taken me away,

But i loved him then and now i really love him – as a friend and a lover.

hes about thirty years older then me but you would only maybe think he was 20 years older then me

I dont feel as if it is completely a sin, we are both adults, both single, its just the past that makes it feel bad.

But im afraid i am falling in love with him, which is so strange because i never thought i would get over the love of my life, i have been such a s*** and slept with countless guys but i have only ever loved him and my second boyfriend/love of my life.

i know there is no future possible with me and him – mainly due to the havoc it would cause and i love my mum to pieces and do not want to hurt her in any way

i am also usually an honest person so is it lying to not tell her or let anyone know? its not like anyone has asked. kind of like when i started smoking, nobody asked if i smoked so i didnt think i had to tell anyone.

gosh now i am trying to make myself feel like a good girl but im not.