I am in love with my best friend. He is fantastic, funny, brilliant, goofy... I feel like I can be myself totally when I am around him, but I am terrified

14 years

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I am in love with my best friend. He is fantastic, funny, brilliant, goofy… I feel like I can be myself totally when I am around him, but I am terrified to open up to him about my darker side. I shouldn’t be in love with him. He is my friend. He’s not interested in me like that. It would make things awkward… I keep telling myself these things, and yet every time he laughs on smiles in my direction, I just can’t help but feeling like I want to make him do it again. I am a hopeless romantic, with a hopeless affection for someone I could never be with.

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After a few years burning in hell you drown out the round the clock screaming

Demon Kane

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i want to end myself and i have suicidal thoughts thinking how should i die (i often think about hanging) and i imagine myself when i am doing the deed. i have fallen quite low and it is hard to stand up again. i have been having family issues (mainly with my dad) aside from my own personal problems. even if i vent this to someone, i know that their words are not enough. it is unfortunate for me that i got the miserable version of life haha… maybe if i was more pleasant, people would’ve treated me differently and my father wouldn’t even verbally abuse me. i have been like this for months now. some days i feel better but once triggered, everything comes back and i am miserable again. i really don’t want this life and the urge to end it is very strong. i have fallen out of my faith in God so to end this all, i think i should end the root of everything which is me because i realized that i might be the problem. that is all.