when i was a little kid, i was s******* abused.
my abuser was a female, as am i, and was close to me, and a little older. she and i played a game that eventually became the way the abuse was done, and how i thought of it. when we played, i thought it was fun, and i always wanted to play that game because it made me feel wanted, made me feel that i was doing something grown up and cool; secret and forbidden.

i’m a grown woman, and i’m queer. i’m terrified that my s******** (how it is expressed, how i view it, how early i came out) could somehow be connected, even superficially, to the abuse.