I woke up feeling horrible. My head hurts. There’s so much to do. There’s always so much to do. And we barely have enough money in the bank to cover the rent. The phone bill is past due, and there are 4 other bills we haven’t even been paying because we don’t have the money. We’re barely surviving. If I was able to work things would be ok. If I was able to freaking work. But I’m not. Even if I could find someone that would hire me with my vision problems, how would I get to work? I can’t drive. Our insurance is going to be canceled this month anyway. My husband could maybe drive me to work but only if our schedules synced up. Not likely, as the only kind of job I could probably get is fast food service and he works a normal hour job.

The stupid eye surgery was a total failure. So many people believed in it and gave me money to pay for it, and it didn’t work. I’ve been lying to everyone and telling them, oh it’s getting a little better at a time! but I’m lying. It’s not getting better at all. I think it’s worse. I wasn’t approved for disability and I probably won’t be. So I have to work or we’re going to get so behind we’ll lose everything. But I can’t work. I’m terrified just to walk down steps by myself because of my blurred vision.

Feeling hopeless and miserable today. Let’s see if this damn website will even let me post this confession.