I’m fascinated by the idea of love. It sounds incredibly stupid and frankly a little immature to be so interested in it, but I can’t help it. I was in love once, but needless to say, that ended. I was young (still young, but not as young) and it was a good learning experience. I learned about compromise, pain, and forgiveness….mostly forgiveness. It was a good relationship with a very bad end.
Anyway, it took me an entire year to fully recover from it, yes it was that bad. It took several more months for me to be even slightly tolerant of the idea of love again. So now I just crave it. I want that again, but better and with a different person. I want to feel that way about a person. I used to just get pissed off when I saw couples, but now I get a nice feeling when I see them and I find myself hoping that all of them will work out even though I know not everything does. I wish there was someone I was even interested in, but there’s not. Not an ex or someone out of my league or anything. Just…nothing. Maybe I got hurt too bad and now I just can’t feel that way anymore…but I want to so much. It’s been so long since I have loved or felt loved. It’s been so long since s** meant something to me. It feels like it’s been forever since I lit up just because of someones presence or been genuinely excited to see a boy. I’ve had short flings with people, but nothing as strong or as meaningful as that one relationship. I’m about to enter a new chapter in my life and I hope things will change…my environment will be completely different as will my social group. Everything is going to change very soon. I’m not basing my decisions on the hope that I’ll find someone, but I do hope someone comes along in the process. If it happens, I’ll be happy, and if it doesn’t then I’ll get a cat and still be happy.