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a truth, Other
14 years
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Dear Readers,
I honestly don’t know what I’m going through. I don’t know whether I’m just sad 24/7 or I’m depressed deep down. I always feel, not myself? I don’t know how to explain it, or how to put my words to express the way I feel right now. It probably started with this boy, he was my best friend, then he fucked things up, well I don’t think I can blame him for everything, I guess it was my fault for giving him the upper hand when I admitted I like him too, after all his flirting, I thought he was for real. Until he told me it was all a joke. Everything, it was all lies. That incident cut deep. Real deep. Then, my best friend told me she was going to kill her last year (2012), until we started talking and became friends, don’t get me wrong, I was grateful I saved her life, but what if I lost her? She cuts now, deep into her flesh. I have no idea what to do, I feel like I’m standing by seeing her do this, not seen & can’t be touched by anyone. After this, my close friend, she admitted to me she was cutting, she’s been cutting for 3 years now. She recently was discovered by the teachers of her problems, they called her already-wrecked family and that just made things even worse at home. Her parents are split up too. They’ve always been ‘just there’ in her life. Not knowing what’s really going on and not being able to find the deeper meaning within her facial expressions, her actions and what she says.. Just like my parents. I feel invisible. Then there are also other boys. Some I don’t even remember their names. I feel like they’re just using me. Every guy I ‘ve had a thing with has had a girl before me that they really liked and needed to get over.. and I feel like to do that, they used me. And I don’t notice until after because I get all wrapped up in their sweetness and cuteness that it doesn’t come across my mind. Oh well, I’m mean to people too. Not 100% purposelly. But just enough to be a b****, and make sure that unless people try their absolute best, they won’t be close enough for me to tell them how I feel or that I cut too. And that I feel like my humanity is slipping from my grasp and that my happiness hs been long gone taken away from me. That I can’t trust anyone without feeling like everyone is judging me. I feel like I can’t do anything. At all. I feel useless. My weight has also been bothering me for awhile. I feel so overweight, and so conscious about my body. Up to the point where I stopped eating, only for 3 weeks though, I was chewing gum & drinking water, that was about it. Then I didn’t really feel hungry after those 3 bitter weeks. I hated looking at food, I hate the look of it. It makes me fat, it makes me ugly. Not that I need any more of those things… Well now it’s 2013, I cut, there are many reasons behind my cutting. But for today, that’s all I’ll tell you. This is a start to my story, what’s yours? 🙂
– The Society-Damaged Teenager

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

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Related Confessions

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

2 Views