This is a boring confession. But the thing is, I love you. I do. I tell you all the time, but those words mean something else, too.

Married this long to a man who I know is my soulmate, yet here you are. Can we have more than one soulmate? I don’t know. Is it possible to be in love with two people? I used to think it was b*******, and an excuse to cheat.

Yet here you are. Singing “dangerous” at me, because we both know.

And I’m so tangled up in your life now. And we may never act on it, you and I.

Although last night, without even thinking, as we were wrapped up in your pain, I almost kissed you. I almost did it without thinking, it seemed so natural.

I know how fragile you are. You and your brilliance. You are one of the most talented comedians in America, and yet here you are, crying into my lap, and nobody knows but me.

You call me your best friend, you say you want what my husband and I have. The only woman you’ve dated in the last six months is a carbon copy of me, from the massive weight loss to her career, to the color of her hair.

If I weren’t in love with my husband, this friendship would be so very different.

You are so beautiful, my dear dear friend. Your wounded spirit is what makes you brilliant and beautiful. I see when you make a sold out room laugh, and how your pain fuels you.

Don’t leave me. Don’t you dare leave me. I don’t know where we’re going. But I know that I may be in love with you. Even if we never act on it. I need you in my life, you wounded genius.

You don’t have to entertain me, you don’t have to make me laugh. You can be real with me, now and forever.

I keep putting you in the “sibling” category when others ask about our friendship, and how we got to be so close. I tell them that you are my best friend. If there were ever two more unlikely people to be friends, it’s us. Your cynicism matched against my goal of kindness and compassion at all costs.

I love the look on people’s faces when they discover that you and I are close. The pure astonishment. I love the story you tell of when you told your agent that I am your main support system.

I don’t know where we’re going, my friend. I know that it will ruin both of our careers if we’re not careful.

I’m beginning not to care.