14 years
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My sister is probably the reason i am the way i am, in both positive and negative aspects; but mostly, it’s negative. One one hand i’ve learned from her mistakes, but on the other, i’m… well.

She was rebellious, self-harmed, and ran away with her long-distance boyfriend when she was 17 (i was 12). After living in SD for about two years she decided to move back to our city with her new boyfriend. She was addicted to popping pills and went to raves just about every week. This went on for years, and last summer was when it got really bad. She’d call my parents every day demanding money for pills and saying how much she hated us. every. day. Fake accidents and stomach problems to get us to take her to the doctor. When my parents had enough they took her to a rehab center and found that she wasn’t only addicted to pills but also alcohol and heroin. We made the stupid decision of letting her stay with us to get sober. She was actually doing well and had a really painful talk with me after five years of only seeing each other on christmas and she apologized to me for everything. By that time, i had been fed up, but that talk released so much emotion for me that i started the process of forgiving her.

the next day when i came home from school, she was gone.

She’d left with her boyfriend the minute my mom said that she couldn’t talk with him until she got better. Told my mom to f*** off and that her boyfriend was the only thing that mattered to her.

I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually broken. Exhausted from the (now eight) years of emotional pain she’d caused. That conversation we had now means nothing to me. I’m more bitter now, less forgiving and just… cold, and it’s all because of her. I can’t trust her anymore no matter how hard i try; she’s stopped with her pill and heroin addiction but still drinks every day, and her and my family are on good terms now (oddly enough). She comes over every other week or so to do laundry and although we’ve been friendly deep down i can’t help but blame her for all the s*** that i’ve been through. She tells me that she wants to be closer to me, but i don’t have the heart to tell her that it’ll never be the same after all she did to me and my family.

I don’t hate her. I just feel like she’s not my sister anymore.

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

Related Confessions

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker