12 years
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It’s the stupidest thing and I can’t believe it’s affecting me so much. I’m in love with the only guy, really the only person, who’s ever seemed to care about me, seemed interested in talking to me, or really connected with me. For a while I though of him as my best friend, though I now doubt he ever felt the same. Today I FINALLY get up the courage to hug him, and then I find out he played footsie with my twin sister – literally – over dinner. I thought that was something he’d only ever do with me, once, almost a year ago on the exact same dinner occasion, the first time we really acknowledged each other. I thought he cared about me, and was too shy to say so. Hell, I should have known better. He’s younger than me, he played footsie the first day I really get to know him, and I expect that makes him more than a friend? I thought things were finally changing. I thought I was learning how to make friends, how to fall in love, how to know when someone loves you, how to step out of my amazing talented sister’s shadow. Well, I was wrong. I’m an idiot. Of course. As usual.

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