I have chronic medical problems that can't be diagnosed and I am in pain constantly. I have never not been in pain. This much people know but what I don't

12 years

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I have chronic medical problems that can’t be diagnosed and I am in pain constantly. I have never not been in pain. This much people know but what I don’t tell people is that it is leading me to want to commit suicide, people know this too but only close friends. What I haven’t told anybody is that I have come close several times, almost everyday I stare at my shotgun, once I loaded it. I don’t think I will kill myself soon but I know I will eventually.

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Startin skool taday. Wearin a fem lookin shirt, pink pantees. Wanna be seen in gym class

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There’s this one chick in my group of friends who everyone loves. They do her work, they pamper her, they hang out with her, and it pisses me off because I’m the only one who knows she SA’d one of her exes. She’s such a s***, dresses for attention and is overall a pick me. It pisses me off because these are the only friends I’ve managed to make because of my social anxiety and I don’t want to ruin anything and be lonely again. Im still lonely, I have a feeling deep down no one cares for who I am or my opinions.