Sometimes I look back on the things I have done, small things usually, bad things, and I feel like I’ve failed at being a good person. I try so damn hard to be a good person, and to do the right thing, even if it hurts me, but I can’t help but feel that it’s not enough. It feels like I’ve committed huge sins, even if it’s the tiniest thing… and I can’t ever scrub that clean. I’ve stained my soul, I know I have.
I’m not religious. I don’t know what I believe in, exactly; I don’t believe in Heaven, but I feel like I’m damned, so maybe I believe in Hell. I’ve thought that maybe I should go to confession, perhaps that could help ease my conscience, but at the end of the day my soul is still going to be unclean, there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m only 18. How am I going to feel when I’m older? No doubt I’ll just have more things to feel guilty about the older I am. I don’t know how to let it go. I don’t think I ever can.