12 years
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So, there was this girl that sat with me at lunch in High School. She was kinda gothic and nerdy and had cute short, black hair. She was pale and had kind of a long nose, but I found it s***. And she had the body of a glamour model. Nice round b***, tight belly, and her t*** were out of this world. DD cup, at the very least, maybe bigger. They were big and perky has hell.

I was so shy around her, that all I could barley speak to her. And then, one day in November, we were the only ones at the table. There was a field trip or something. I couldn’t stop thanking God for this moment…and I’m Agnostic.

I was still pretty nervous, but we started talking and really got to know each other. She even told me she was bisexual. We kept talking about personal stuff and got pretty close that day. When the bell rang and we had to go back to class, she gave me a hug. She felt so warm and soft against me.

After that day, I wanted her so bad, and I still do. I want to kiss and lick every inch of her body for hours. I want to toy with her c*** and gently finger her p****. I’d kiss, lick, and s*** on her big beautiful t***. I’d rub her a** checks with the head of my d*** until I came in the valley of her a** crack. I’d slowly rub my d*** on her p**** and then slowly creep it inside her. I’d f*** her a****** nice and slow. I’d love to feel her pale lips on my neck as a kiss the nape of her’s. I would s*** her p**** dry and swallow every drop of her c**. I would treat her like a goddess. The thought of just touching her perfect body drives me crazy.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf