I don’t love my boyfriend. At all.

But every day I tell him that I do and I reassure him that we’re meant for one another. I grit my teeth when he speaks, trying not to let my eyes roll and face betray my exhaustion. He is wonderful and accomplished and doesn’t deserve this, but I do it to him every day.

The break up would be so painful and I don’t want to face it. If I’m honest, I made a silent agreement with myself when we first started dating that I would stick it out for 12 months and prove to myself that I could be with someone. Prove that I’m able to commit for more than a few months at a time. But every day I wish I was alone.