I am going through a normal high school experience, though I am lacking in the social aspect of that. I am barely holding myself together. People all around me are going through real problems, and I feel as I am going to fall apart. The only thing I could ever solely count on to be steady was my schoolwork. Now, that’s spinning out of control along with my mental stability. My dad told me what his plan for me was so that I could have a decent life – finish high school, go to college, become an accountant because of its job security, then go and get my “personal issues” “fixed.” That’s his favorite word to use around me – I have to fix this and that, and I was so screwed up when I was born and still am screwed up. I almost snapped in freshman year and almost downed a bottle of pills, but thinking of a friend and her words snapped me out of my breakdown. Granted, I threw up the pills I’d already taken and was mortified. But the girl they hate so much because they think she’d be a bad influence on me turned out to be the best. She pushes me to work hard, believes in me, tells me to stay away from all bad things, even steers me away from joking about flipping the bird for God’s sakes. I love her and her friendship so dearly, and she frankly saved my mental health more times than I care to count. Her words and friendship, and life story, are what keep me going. I’ve never drank beer or smoked or anything like that since I’m 16, but I’ve had the urge to drink a bottle so many times, or get a gun and just hold it against my head just to see what it feels like. I don’t think I could actually do it – remembering my friends and family would snap me out of it before I’d actually pull the trigger…but still. But still.