I’m married. I have children. I have not been happy in my marriage for a while.

It’s obviously an accident waiting to happen. I met someone else and had the most amazing affair over the last year which very nearly ended in me walking out of my home and leaving my wife and kids. Instead the affair came to a bit of a nasty end as both of us wanted a full blown relationship but it’s just the wrong time.

I don’t know when things went wrong in my marriage. Not talking maybe, taking each other for granted maybe, possibly just long term incompatibility. Anyway. The other woman gave me so much and awoke in me such desire that I really have never felt so alive. Everything we did together is totally etched on my mind. She really is the one woman I would like to spend the rest of my life with to the extent that I wish I’d never met her. How can anything else ever compare to her?

Why didn’t I leave. My children. I couldn’t face the idea of telling them and seeing the looks of horror on their faces, They are still at school. Maybe I’m imagining that and they would actually accept it but I can’t be sure of that. Also there is the fact that the other woman lives 200+ miles away so it would have to be a long-distance relationship which would ultimately be unsatisfying and may fall apart purely for that which would leave me with nothing.

What does my wife think of all this? Well, she doesn’t know. The guilt of not telling her weighs on me. I feel I should be honest but that might make the whole thing worse.

So what do I do? I smile at her and the kids and think of the other woman all the time, everywhere I go. It’s a real s***** mess.