I was in cadets and my platoon 2ic got killed by hit and run. It was like 4 years ago. I got a medal for excellence and he got the same one for dying.. and like.. idk I didn’t deserve anything right? Like it’s all my questioning myself. It’s not even that incident that ‘changed me” I’ve had relationships and she either cheated on my with 3 diff guys… was a s*** in general.. has an eating disorder 🙁 or like.. was so rich and selfish she made me feel like s*** for who i was and made me think lesser of myself while i was literally homeless..

oh yeah and my mom hates me for idk why.. prolly because her dad died when she was 15 and it fucked her up.. but still idk why i’m me it’s like I was built to be alone now i have two jobs been on my own for 2 years and putting myself through university of all things because i’m not stupid f*** like these hippies or hicks.. I got kicked out moved in with my aunt who had a marrige issue and her and my uncle fought all the damn time breaking s*** and i never slept I got out of thee and now i’m with random kids.. it’s now and I drink everyday and i hate myself and i wish i would just be killed in an accident or just a quick death and oh well right no one knows my name anyways and my family wouldn’t give s***. I had my friend die.. another hit and run.. and I dont know why.

I’ve also lost my s***** desire for anyone. thios isn’t even everything that’s happend. :/ I can’t tpye really i’m so drunk. I had the balls to kill myself i’d do it but.. i have this feeling that maybe i outta stay alive and help. oh and i’m white btw you f***’in feminist extremist, i can’t believe i get hated on because i’m white and told i get everything even though i gto to salvation army fo goddamn clothes and have to b** and scrap for everything. f*****’n stpid wotld we live in.