I guess I need to put this under guilt, but it was jealousy that ended up making me feel that way. I was a 17 year old boy in junior year high school, my buddy was the same age, about the same size as me, small for our age, and got razzed a lot. We hung out togather most of time and we both mowed yards for our spending money.

It was spring and this black family moved in a few blocks from us, there was a girl about 13, and a boy 18. His name was Raymond, the first time I met him I got the hots for him, yeah I know only girls do that, that started my guilty feelings. The more I was around him the more feelings I had for him, secretly I wanted him to screw me like a girl.

I was embarrassed to ask him, but I did my best to show off my girly build, hopping he would get the message. He had a black friend the same age as him, and he did tell me that I had a hot looking a**, and that me and him should get togather, but I didn’t like him. One day my buddy confided in me that Raymond had proposisioned him, and it pissed him off.

He said he didn’t want any part of what Raymond had offered him, hearing that made me really jealous, cause I wanted so much to hear that from him. As time went on I could tell that my buddy was changing his way when Raymond came around, and it was plain that Raymond was paying more attention to him than before. I kept putting on a show for him, but he never really took up on it.

My buddy kept saying how much he didn’t really like Raymond, and I never let on that I could tell that he was a lot closer to him than he let on. One saturday night me and him went to a party, Raymond and his friend were there also. I saw my buddy talking to Raymond, and not long afterwards I saw them going out the front door togather.

I looked out and they were getting into the back seat of raymonds car, and as I watched it looked like they were making out. Then they were out of sight, so I quietly slipped out and over to the car, my buddy was on his back with his legs over the seat backs, and even though I couldn’t really see anything I could tell that Raymond was f****** him. I stood and watched, and it made me so dam jealous I almost pissed in my jeans. I went back inside, and a later they came in, my buddy came over and started talking about the music and other things, then he mover off to talk with some others.

Standing there thinking about and remembering what I’d seen made me more jealous than ever, then I saw raymonds friend standing by himself, and walked over to him. He gave me this big grin like always, and I asked him if he wanted to f*** me as bad as he always had. His grin widened and he said lets go outside where nobody will bother us. He led me to his car, and let me in the back seat, and he quickly followed, he played around some, and then I let him f*** me, like I had dreamed of letting Raymond do.

He was big and wasn’t real easy, but even though I didn’t really like him I did love what he did. When we went back inside my buddy and Raymond were talking, and I couldn’t help wonder if Raymond had fucked my buddy as good as his friend had me.
I never mentioned anything to my buddy, and he didn’t say anything, and even though I never got back with raymonds friend it was a long time before I stopped feeling guilty about letting him f*** me.