For the past three days I have been going home instead of going to my job after taking my partner to work. I have called in pretending to be sick just so

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For the past three days I have been going home instead of going to my job after taking my partner to work. I have called in pretending to be sick just so I can have some quiet time alone. This is making me feel terrible because I have to lie about my day. The first day I spent mostly m*********** and sleeping. The next day I went to a casino and lost over 300 bucks. Today I slept quite a bit and worked on my lessons for my online class. Tomorrow I am going to work but if I had any leave hours remaining, I would take them. I am so grateful to have a job, but I am depressed and overwhelmed there. I wish I could find another.

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I wish I were never even born. This life is the worst. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate being this gross person that nobody ever considers a human being. Just walk all over me. I don’t care anymore. Why God? Why did you have to make me like this? I just want to be normal. I want to be part of a family. I want my brothers and sisters to care about how I’m doing. We hate each other so much. I cry thinking about how other people love and care for one another. Im nothing to my family. Just a mistake nobody wanted. It’s ok to pretend we aren’t related in school because I’m fat and ugly. It fine, I don’t have feelings or anything. Go ahead and let them bully me. Sibling protection is only for attractive people. Anybody anywhere at any time can just do whatever to me and it won’t mean anything. I wish God had just not made me. Im nothing and I’ll always be nothing. You live it up with your big house and all your cars. Have a great life out there with all your grandkids. Don’t even think about me. Im just a grain of dirt under your boot

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