After seeing the pathetic p************ that alcoholism turns you in to through my grandparents when I was little, I promised to myself I would never touch it in my life. It scared the s*** out of me. That worked till I went to college. Now I’m an amphetamine addicted alcoholic and have closed every door I could open, for no reason. I drink and overdose on Adderall everyday in hopes that it will kill me. I even lie to my psychiatrist, and never told him that I’m chronically depressed and suicidal, just to get my script without any hitches. I haven’t spoken to my dad since I was 8, but I have the best stepfather in the world and an amazing caring family as well as amazing friends that for some reason still care about me. I feel like the walking dead and no one knows what I’m hiding. The only way I see any relief is a bullet to the head. This is not a cry for attention type of post, but a cautionary tale or something that you can refer to as “hey, at least I didn’t screw it up that much”. Don’t f*** it up no matter how s***** you feel , because it will be “too late” at some point even if you are in a supportive environment. I’m not poor anymore(grew up in a communal apartment in Russia), but that hasn’t prevented me form a downward spiral.