I had an online gf, thought she was the one (I was almost 18 when we first met) since it was my first relationship, felt good since it was entirely mutual. It lasted 7 months, near the end whenever we talked it felt boring and awkward, eventually she broke up with me. Even if it was boring it was better than being emotionally alone. Eventually she cut off all communication and it hurt for a few weeks.

A bit over a year passed and she sent a message saying that she wants to apologize and try to be friends again, but I had to convince myself to hate and forget her so I gave her the cold shoulder for about half a year, eventually I somehow got over it and we were friends like from the beginning, cept she had a boyfriend (which I figured out from when I was giving her the cold shoulder) no mo romance.

Once I got buzzed and said I wanted her, she took it the wrong way. She used to tell me how her boyfriend was unreasonable and irritable so I thought I had a small chance (she also asked if circumstances permitted would I be willing to give things another shot) but she told me she had lied to me the whole time about that. I felt betrayed, I was planning to visit her to hang out, it was… annoying. She stopped talking to me to think things over, a month passed and she decided to give her all to her current relationship which included never talking to me again. It was slightly better than last time since I got a proper goodbye this time, but now I’m feeling lonely, I don’t have anyone to talk to.

My emotions have always been… I don’t know the word, but they’re pretty weak? You see someone so excited for a movie coming out that they can’t sit still, I’m excited for a few minutes then forget about it. Basically I don’t feel much pain, well I do, but I mostly feel hollow I guess. Kinda wish I had one special person to talk to like her, unfortunately I’m a boring person so meh, I might off myself when I can get my gun license.