i am avery good looking man, i lift weights, outdoors active, i work a good fulltime job and work a second part time job as a security officer. I am outgoing always happy and very positive. I take care of my body, lifting weights eating right etc. with good grooming. I traet my wife like a queen and love her with all my heart, still.She had a long lasting s***** relationship with someone very close, befoer,after, and while we were married.I never told anyone about it as to never embarase her and her family? I know evrything they were doing together. I forgave her. Now my wife has become very abusive, verbally, mentally, and some times physically. She has no interest in s** at all. No s** drive and wont let me even touch her. I have always done everything she wants s******* and i am very s*****. Great lover? I am so horney and s******* confused and want to hold a girl so bad that it hurts my heart every day. I smile and laugh all the time around others at work and every where i am. Inside i ache and hurt so bad. She calls me terrible names and says i am a loser and no one would ever want me. She says i am a sicko cause i want to hold her and have s**. I dont want a divorce or be alone. i actaully still love her very much. My daughters say they think she has a personality disorder and borderline or bipolar? I want to be with a girl when ever i meet someone that is nice to me evryday. i know this is wrong but i am becoming atracted to other girls and have become very lonely. I feel really pathetic about how things have become for me. i hide well and people have no idea cause i am mr. possitive and pick everyone up everyday. What do i do? Iwant to hold someone close and make someone happy. i am so lonely every day. so very lonely. I have kept her sick secret safe for years and still do, but now she abuses me and hurts me on purpose every day. sad payback for forgiving her and still loving her after all that stuff. jeffrey j.