I want to know what it is that I don’t have. My stepson stays with us at Christmas time, he’s very tall handsome and collects people like a moth to a naked light. Leave him alone in a bar within 2 minutes somebody is on him, barfly or some chicks. I can’t tell him not to enjoy himself but when he’s staying with us we don’t want any s*** following us home.

Last year a M*** asked for a kiss he obliged, she stuck her hands down his pants and I’d to pull him away while his mum was open mouthed in shock. We were all mortified, ok she’s had a few too many. This Christmas he’s staying with us and I’m considering taking him out and just letting him go for it, f*** it! He’s 33 and single and I’m sick of being his chaperone.

I stopped a s****** couple trying to get him drunk 3 years ago, yes he’s my stepson my wifes son and my pal but ultimately he’s my wifes son. I love him like a wee bro but you never ever bring s*** to our door but this time I want to sit back and just watch without interfering.