My husband had a fundraiser to raise money for my eye surgery. Almost all of my family and friends, and even people I don’t know, donated. We raised 2500 but that was barely half of what we needed, so my dad took it out of his savings and paid the rest. It’s been 2 months since the surgery and I haven’t noticed any improvement, not even a little. If anything my vision seems worse than it did before. Everyone keeps telling me to be patient, that it’s probably still healing, but I’m terrified that all these people gave their money for nothing. I feel guilty because everyone expected a miracle (including me) and what I’ve ended up with is … nothing. I’m still legally blind. I’m still unable to drive. I still can’t see my husband’s face if I’m sitting five feet away from him. Everyone is eagerly asking when I’m going to have the same surgery on my other eye but at this rate I’ll end up in worse shape than I was in before.

I’ve lied and told many people that my vision is better, just because I can’t handle the thought of everyone’s disappointment when they find out their money went to waste. Including my grandfather who donated 1000.

I hate myself. I hate being such a burden on my husband because I can’t work. I hate being the object of worry and pity. I hate not being able to read a simple book. I hate having to put my nose right up to the computer screen to see what I’m typing. I hate doing a crappy job cleaning because I can’t SEE the dust and dirt that I’m missing. I hate needing help to shop for groceries because I can’t see the prices.

I’m only 27.

And I’ve been denied disability and given the run around since I filed again. So I’ll probably never get it. And we’ll continue to struggle to make ends meet because I’m bringing nothing into the home financially.