I have never felt so s*** and broken in my life. I’m so bad at hiding my feelings and not getting over-attached to people yet I am constantly paranoid of being clingy. It’s clichéd but there aren’t many people I let into my real life. I have plenty of friends but there aren’t many who have even met my parents, been at my house etc. I hadn’t liked a person in so long because honestly, now that I reflect on it, no romantic relations of mine have ever been good, I have always ended up in the same place, caught between trying to rise above it and being so hurt that I feel numb. I was so hesitant but I finally opened up to you and poured my heart out and I must admit my life has changed since I done it. I feel more confident and comfortable around everyone and I f****** needed that since for most of my adolescence I’ve had such low self esteem, I was afraid to live at all. I was worried about things moving fast in case I was getting ahead of myself. But yet it was always you that would talk about us in a more serious manner. Now here I am, my nightmare is coming true and you do not care. You will probably have exactly what you always wanted soon and I will still be pathetically pining over you and nobody will give a s*** because from day 1, I was well warned. That’s f****** infuriating. But at the same time, as much as I am not a cocky person, it’s no secret that I am physically out of your league and considerably smarter with what is looking like a brighter future ahead of me. You’re smart too but you’re lazy. Funny thing is, you will probably marry her, I wonder if you’ve thought about it? You’re an adult now, looking for full time work. You’ll be together for a couple more years and then it’ll be a big engagement. Things will probably be so sweet and everyone will be so happy for the childhood sweethearts. But your relationship is a f****** shambles. It’s so transparent. After the honeymoon phase you’ll have a job you hate (see above – lazy), she’ll be the same manipulative, needy psychopath and you will both be utterly miserable until you die, living in the same place, your kids going to the same school you went to, doing the same s***. I’m not even happy or satisfied thinking about it, it’s not like this is my justice or whatever, by this point I won’t even care. It’s the truth, it happens so often. It’s a real shame you can’t move on. I’m so glad now that I spoke to you tonight because even thought it’s upsetting me so much and I feel lost, it’s exactly what I needed. I need to move on before you bring me down with you, I need to get on with university and concentrate on making my future interesting, I need to throw myself into my learning like I used to and absolutely love it, I need to go out with new friends and have the life I’m so close to, I can f****** taste it, I need to find somebody who is going to make me feel good instead of s*** all the time. There’s a lot of things I need but you aren’t one of them and you never have been. I was fine before I ever spoke to you and I’m going to be fine again soon. I hope someday you realise what a mistake she is and find somebody else who won’t drain you and use you but it will never be me. I am going to make me happy now.