I don’t want my past to stay alive in my head the way it is right now. I want to grow and break that attachment to past. I wanna be free and free myself and my mind from this stupid game. It is like my head is remembering me of embarrassing passed situations all the time. It is annoying and I don’t want them, I will confess some of them to let them go: my cousin texted me and called me today (I have spoke to her like 3-4 times) and I don’t enjoy talking to her, she’s like “send me pics of you” I don’t want to do that, it is annoying. Maybe if I just told her that I don’t like that she might stop doing it. And I want my past to stay behind me because I like my new life now. My highschool friends… family they are living normally just the way I am right now.

I am just scared of going back, going backwards. I don’t want that because I want to go forward and further. My head keeps remembering me of situations where I felt unconfortable… situation when I felt I “said” or “did” something stupid….. well I am human you know. I should allow myself to make mistakes, and said wrong, silly stupid things, and embarrassment does not have to be my enemy. It is a feeling, just like anger, and it makes me human, it makes me real.