Hey there.

I think I need to tell if off my soul, how fucked up people can be and how some decisions or actions can get stuck in your brain for life.

Right now I’m in a quite good position in my job, married for two years and I’m a proud father of my 1 year old son!

There is one thing that literally could destroy my life entirely, at least that’s the fear I still have in my mind.

Well, how to say, I was never one of the “cool kids”. Born in the late 80s i’ve spent most of the teenie time online, playing counterstrike and WoW, chatting online with strangers and stuff like that. If you know some german words, “Kellerkind” would have been the perfect description.

But there was another thing, I often helped my uncle at their dairy farm (I got my first PC from him back then, so we were somewhat close and I liked to help a lot).

One thing lead to another, me, an always h**** little idiot, always looking for p***, of course no ‘girlfriend’ in sight, chatting whole nights on IRC, looking for p0rn-Bots to download from, looking at one clip stranger than the other, suddenly saw a bad quality video where a man was doing a cow. Just a few seconds long but it kicked me so damn hard in the brain, like, damn sick, but also like “something” that could be possible.

I mean, who the heck would get that low to use an animal for this? But an animal probably wouldn’t care, at least it would be by far easier than to get a girl.

That’s the confession, I really wanted to do it no matter what, the real thing, not m***********. I stole a box of condoms from the store, waited for an opportunity when my uncle wasn’t in the barn and did what I imagined for so long, even though I often imagined to be in a beautiful girl.

It happened a lot, for about 3 years, until I started my apprenticeship and moved out from my parents house.

Things changed drastically, I got friends, had new hobbies, got very adicted to pen and paper and even got my degree. I blocked out what I did as good as possible, but sometimes there were theses thoughts:

“man, you know you f* cows. You did what usually only unintelligent people would do, like an ugly farmer with no wife and so on”

I was always very distressed when I thought about it. Years passed, I finally got my first girlfriend and the first time was a disaster. I suddenly had the smell of the barn in my nose, flashbacks from back then and had problems getting hard for some time. The relationship lastet for about half a year, me being heartbroken, not able to explain anything.

More years have been passed until I met my future wife (also a D&D nerd) and things changed again. She really is the perfect match, cool and perfect in every way and I’m literally happyer than ever before, but I sometimes still do have the smell of the barn in my nose when we are doing it.

I’m not interested in animals in any way, I don’t even think I was back then! It was like, don’t know how to explain, imagine like crying inside all the time because of the strong urge to feel it for “real”. And then there were females all around me who weren’t at all interested in what I was doing behind them. Luckily the urges disappeared almost completely when I was training and studying. Also there is absolutely no urge to have s** except with my wife, but it still feels like a sword above my head. No one knows about it, I never got caught and I never talked to anyone about this.

Yes, I could talk to a specialist, but I don’t know if I really want to. In general everything is perfect and I guess everyone has his own demons to deal with.

Thank you for reading.

Our whole family went to Disney World for the Spring Break. When we got to the room, it only had 2 double beds and a chair. My Dad said well it is what it is, and you and your Brother will need to sleep in the same bed. I complained as I am 15 and he is 16 years old.

Dad, said then sleep on the floor.. So we went to park and all got sub burn and really worn out, after Dinner we went back to the room to go to sleep. The Sub Burn was so bad, we all just slept in our underwear.

My Brother is a h**** pervert, and he kept trying to spoon with me. I could feel he was excited rubbing up against my boy short underwear. I just kept moving to the edge to stay away from him. It was very uncomfortable for all of us.

I woke up in the middle of the night and my brothers hand was on my chest and it felt like he was pinching my n#ipple. I also could feel him up against me and he must have been touching himself, because I felt something hard pressing against my underwear.

I could feel him breathing heavily and was sure he was playing with it outside of his boxers. I just laid there quietly trying to figure out what was happening, and then I felt wetness, he was shooting his load onto my underwear. I was so grossed out, but did not move or say anything. He finished and rolled over back to sleep.

I fell asleep thinking about what my brother just did to me and thought it was a dream until I reached back and my fingers were soaked in his mess on my undies. I woke up early in the morning and he was doing it again (morning wood?) and then again I felt the wetness as he released on my undies soaking them.

When he finished and rolled over, I got out of bed and went to the washroom to shower and put clean underwear on. My p@anties were soaked in c#m. I was disgusted, but still lifted them to my face to smell them, and I have no idea why I licked his c@m off my p****** and kept licking them until they were clean. I could not stop, and I swallowed all of it…

We were there 3 nights, and he did it every night when everyone was asleep. Each time I licked his mess off my p****** and went to bed with the went undies on, waiting for his morning wood to do it again.