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In 1994 I showed my p**** to man in a Walmart parking lot for $100

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Hey there.

I think I need to tell if off my soul, how fucked up people can be and how some decisions or actions can get stuck in your brain for life.

Right now I’m in a quite good position in my job, married for two years and I’m a proud father of my 1 year old son!

There is one thing that literally could destroy my life entirely, at least that’s the fear I still have in my mind.

Well, how to say, I was never one of the “cool kids”. Born in the late 80s i’ve spent most of the teenie time online, playing counterstrike and WoW, chatting online with strangers and stuff like that. If you know some german words, “Kellerkind” would have been the perfect description.

But there was another thing, I often helped my uncle at their dairy farm (I got my first PC from him back then, so we were somewhat close and I liked to help a lot).

One thing lead to another, me, an always h**** little idiot, always looking for p***, of course no ‘girlfriend’ in sight, chatting whole nights on IRC, looking for p0rn-Bots to download from, looking at one clip stranger than the other, suddenly saw a bad quality video where a man was doing a cow. Just a few seconds long but it kicked me so damn hard in the brain, like, damn sick, but also like “something” that could be possible.

I mean, who the heck would get that low to use an animal for this? But an animal probably wouldn’t care, at least it would be by far easier than to get a girl.

That’s the confession, I really wanted to do it no matter what, the real thing, not m***********. I stole a box of condoms from the store, waited for an opportunity when my uncle wasn’t in the barn and did what I imagined for so long, even though I often imagined to be in a beautiful girl.

It happened a lot, for about 3 years, until I started my apprenticeship and moved out from my parents house.

Things changed drastically, I got friends, had new hobbies, got very adicted to pen and paper and even got my degree. I blocked out what I did as good as possible, but sometimes there were theses thoughts:

“man, you know you f* cows. You did what usually only unintelligent people would do, like an ugly farmer with no wife and so on”

I was always very distressed when I thought about it. Years passed, I finally got my first girlfriend and the first time was a disaster. I suddenly had the smell of the barn in my nose, flashbacks from back then and had problems getting hard for some time. The relationship lastet for about half a year, me being heartbroken, not able to explain anything.

More years have been passed until I met my future wife (also a D&D nerd) and things changed again. She really is the perfect match, cool and perfect in every way and I’m literally happyer than ever before, but I sometimes still do have the smell of the barn in my nose when we are doing it.

I’m not interested in animals in any way, I don’t even think I was back then! It was like, don’t know how to explain, imagine like crying inside all the time because of the strong urge to feel it for “real”. And then there were females all around me who weren’t at all interested in what I was doing behind them. Luckily the urges disappeared almost completely when I was training and studying. Also there is absolutely no urge to have s** except with my wife, but it still feels like a sword above my head. No one knows about it, I never got caught and I never talked to anyone about this.

Yes, I could talk to a specialist, but I don’t know if I really want to. In general everything is perfect and I guess everyone has his own demons to deal with.

Thank you for reading.

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2 years

That’s fine, just as long as transgenders don’t actually believe that that large majority of straight people want anything to do with them.

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2 years

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2 years

Tomorrow I have to observe one of my junior faculty in the classroom. She’s going to come to my office after her class and s*** my c*** under my desk for a positive review. I can’t wait until she’s on her knees pleasuring me.

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2 years

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This way, all the useless broken people can end their lives and...

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2 years

My hand hurts . I bite my nails . I painted them red to cover the severely bitten nails . Im embrassed to show anyone my right hand. Its painful.

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when I was 15-16 I loved my neighbor, my friend. he was a year older than me. we went to the same school. I used to go to his house and me, him, my sister and his sister were really good friends . but they had to move to another...

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2 years

I’m not okay b***

104 Views
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2 years

Christine hugged me, and I fell to the floor. It was all a dream. I had been in love, and yet, I don’t know if there really ever was love in the first place. Blinded by my lack of understanding and will to get better, I made mistake after mistake.

...
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2 years

What do you call ticks in space? Luna-ticks.

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What’s an avocado’s favorite kind of music? Guac and roll!

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What did Venus say to Saturn? Give me a ring.

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What is an astronaut’s favorite meal of the day? Launch.

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What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.

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What do you call a space magician? A flying saucerer.

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How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was hit by the zamboni

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Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on.

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Are you a cheetah? No, you lion!

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2 years

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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2 years

Which table fits in the fridge? VegeTABLE.

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What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.

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Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrgh!

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2 years

Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.

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Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there!

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all those times you slept. I was up for 2-3 hours waiting for you, and I waited 13 hours for you to wake up. Only for you to tell me you were up for four full hours, and I get that you were busy, but you could have at least...

133 Views
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2 years

Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present.

106 Views
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2 years

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112 Views
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2 years

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

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2 years

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

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2 years

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2 years

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

105 Views
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2 years

I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant

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2 years

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.

162 Views
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2 years

Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

83 Views
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2 years

That “thing” that crawled into you is causing your hate to drip. Something is very wrong in you . you need to deal with your demons . quit giving them power to hurt you. I feel sorry for you.

113 Views
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2 years

Or he might be fat. Not that it matters. That kind of dripping hate is demonic. It Has no true gender.

119 Views
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2 years

You really are sick. Nazi be damned . juicy is better at fighting. Get it through your very little pea brain. You are nothing to anyone.

110 Views