I’m nothing but a disloyal masochistic w****.
Moaning a different woman’s name every week.
And no fang makes the difference for me except for yours.
A void that a woman makes in a week hurts more than one for years.
Blood runs down my arms in this bustling broken city.
I leave a trail of red water that rusts against the stone.
Each connection I make feels like forever.
And they last as long as the fire of a candle.

I don’t mean anything to you in the end.
I’m just a face that you keep around for nothing.
You think that all I care about is myself.
You think that I don’t want to give myself away to you.
But I understand because I’m broken anyways.
So I can’t blame you for leaving.
And I don’t want to hold on to hurt you.
So I suffer. Painfully. Alone. Screaming. Wailing. For you.

You’re disgusting. You go find another woman already and talk to her? You didn’t want her to
look at your poetry, you just want a woman to be around so she can take care of you, so she
can make you feel the way you want to feel. That’s all you want, right? It’s all you want.
You just want me around so I can make you feel happy, you don’t care for me at all, and if
you did, you would be different. You’d be different, you’d change. You’d do anything for me,
even if it’s me leaving. If you REALLY loved me, you’d let me leave forever. You’d let me
leave forever and forget about me. That’s what you’d do. That’s what you’d do. That’s exactly
what you’d do. You disgusting w****. You disgusting w**** of a man. Your face is disheveled,
your body is configured incorrectly and you aren’t caring in the slightest, you rotten sulking
statue of a man. But I still care about you. You are an unkempt and hapless soul.

You need to stop talking on the internet and you need to go get a job and get out of my house.
You do not have the power to tell me what I can and can’t do because you constantly demand
everyone and you are rude to everyone.

I’m sorry, your application has been denied and we have decided to move forward with other
candidates. I’m sorry, I’m going to pull your f****** teeth out the top of your head and
scream and wail as I cry knowing I have just committed a grand atrocity and will NEVER EVER
be able to feel innocent again in my f****** life because I finally grew the courage to push
myself that far to violence! But I’ll never do it because I hate being angry and I want to be
happy. It is hapless. It is hapless. It is hapless.

Give me my ring back, you don’t deserve it because you are an unkempt and hapless f****** soul.
You made me pull my hair out and you’re going to give me a heart attack and you made me waste
all my money on your worthless a**. You stupid w****.

In the words of someone who goes forward with nothing but their own goal in mind, someone who is
quite similar to me, I will say that I greatly fear death and pain, yet I do seek the thought
of it. It’s why I’ve never killed myself because I fear pain and I don’t want anyone else to
kill me. It is all equally horrifying. Similarly, pain is all I know.

You stupid w****. You’ve lost your novelty to me. I ate your time like a bag of potato chips
and you mean nothing to me. After all I’ve given you the least you can do is do it all back.
Learn to reciprocate, you valueless paramour. You are so hollow that you are at the point of
philandering, moseying your way into the thresholds of pain. I’ve lost interest in you, you
worthless boy.

This starts on a sad note . I had just had my 14th birthday . No experience of s** . Only m*********** . My grandmother had been in hospital . This was in England where hospitals and all health care is free . She was told that she was going to die from terminal breast cancer . Given a choice to stay in hospital or go home and have nurses visiting her . She did not want to spend her last days in hospital . She wanted to be with her family . My mother asked her to come to stay with us . She did not work so would be at home . Her and my dad decided to shield me from the suffering . We only had two double bedrooms and a smaller one . My grandmother would stay in my room . They wanted me to move out . They had a friend who was 34 . She owned her own home and had a very good job . Allowing her freedom to choose her hours or work from home . She saw that my parents were stressed by dealing with everything . She offered to let me stay with her . I was reluctant to go . I knew her . But she was my parents friend . It was Friday after school that my parents packed my clothes in to their car . Driving me to her home . They dropped me off and left . June was the name of their friend . I had always called her Miss xxxxxx . From the start she told me not to call her that . It was June . She showed me to my room . Telling me it was my private space and i could treat it like it . Then she showed me the bathroom and toilet . Apologising for only having a bath and no shower . She liked to lay in a hot bath with a radio playing . Reading a book . She wanted me to treat her home as if it was mine . Helping myself to things from the fridge and cupboards . My friends who had seen June. Fancied her . She was blond and had a good figure . Like them i fancied her in a schoolboy fantasy way . I had masturbated thinking about her . On the first nigh June asked me if i wanted a bath to help me relax and settle in . At home we had a bath and a shower . Every night depending on how i was feeling . I had a bath or a shower . I told her i would like to have a shower . She gave me towels and i got my pyjamas . It is a large bathroom . I undressed in there and had my shower . Putting my pyjamas on after it . June asked me for the clothes that i had taken off . She was going to wash them . On the Saturday we had breakfast . June told me she was going shopping at a large designer outlet 12 miles from us . Telling me that i could go with her if i wanted to . We visited the stores . In clothes stores she held up things to show me and ask my opinion . She bought a few things . Then she took me to a lingerie store . Showing me underwear and asking for my opinion . Men were there with their wives but i was them looking at June . I thought it is me that she is with . She took me for a meal . Over the meal she asked if she could buy me something . In the end it was a pair of trainers . Expensive trainers . In the afternoon she wanted me to try them and show her what they looked like . June tried on some of the clothes that she bought . Still asking my opinion of how she looked in them . She showed me the underwear that she had bought . Asking if she had made the correct choice . That night when i was having my bath she cracked open the door . Not looking in . Only asking if i was alright and did i need anything . Over a few nights she opened the door wider . When she did i always covered my p**** with my hands . Just in case she came in . One night she did come in offering to wash my back . She didn’t wait for may answer . Getting hold of the flannel . Putting soap on it and washing me . This time my hands were covering my erection . For a few nights she did this . I was enjoying it . Then one time the soap slipped out of her hand . Falling between my legs . June reached down to pick it up . Brushing her hand against my erection . She did not say anything . Her next move was to get me to stand up . To let her wash my back . I couldn’t cover my erection . Without saying anything she was m*********** me and making me c** in the bath . She handed me a towel and told me to get dry . June was having a bath . She shouted me saying she needed my help . I went in . She was sitting in the bath . I could see her b**** . She asked me to wash her back . Putting soap on the flannel and handing it to me . I had my pyjamas on . She couldn’t miss seeing my erection in them . I washed her back for her every night . Then one night when she shouted me . She was standing up in the bath . Asking me to pass her the towel . Not only did i get my erection . I thought i was going to c** in my pyjamas . I gave her the towel and left her . After her bath she wore her cotton nightdress . Sitting opposite me i an arm chair . Just sitting there she looked so s*** . Then she sat with her knees apart . I was trying to see her p**** with no luck . After 2 nights it all changed . When she sat down . She sort of slid forward on the chair . Now when she was sitting with her knees apart i could see her p**** and her pubic hair . She did it for a couple of nights . I couldn’t help staring at it . On the second night she asked . Can you see enough . Pulling her nightdress up further . She came to sit with me . Letting me feel her . That night we had s** and i slept with her . Now every night i slept with her . As a 14 year old boy it was amazing . Some days she would not dress . Sitting in the lounge naked. She taught me to lick her p**** and give her an o***** . She started to drop me off at school . My pals did not know that i was staying with her . Only that she gave me a lift . They were all making comments about my lift . Nice comments . I had to stay with her for six weeks . My parents always saying they were sorry about me having to stay . My grandmother passed away and i could go home . When i was told . I didn’t want to leave . June told me that i could see her at any time . It made leaving her easier . My Saturdays and Sundays were spent with her and some evenings after school .