i am 14 (keep that in mind) and my ex was a year younger. (13)

our relationship started off fine, we argued because i wouldnt open up about my struggles and he would get annoyed. over time, i changed myself in ways for him that no kid should be doing at 14 just for the feeling of love. after school ended and it was summer we slowly grow closer together, calling every night, spending time just talking all night long or laughing together when we couldnt sleep. but the one thing i will never be able to forget is the way he put his hands on me. we’re kids, fresh teens, yet he had a s***** urge to do anything and everything. i gave in. gave him what he wanted until he asked for s*x. we had s*x probably 4 times every time i snuck out to see him and every time i played along and fed his needs. he’d hold me after he was done and tell me that he was sorry and that he loves me so much. then he broke up with me and that destroyed me. my mental health has been at an all time low ever since we broke up. i begged him for days on end to take me back and that i’d be a better girlfriend and whatnot because im an idiot who just wants to feel loved, even it wasnt right. then i let go, 3 days of no contact, then he texted me. “i wanna talk to you, irl”. i asked why. he said its better he says it in person, i asked what it was about and he said it was about me. i thought he wanted to talk about the fact that i tried to commit suic*de after we broke up, or just some other bs. but later that night i texted him asking if we could just say it over text because im impatient when it comes to these typa things. the conversation shifted into a normal conversation, he told me how school was going and how he might get with this girl who everybody hates just because she has a “good body” which was a joke because she is paper thin and stuffs her bra and pants with paper towel. he said that to make me jealous and started teasing me, then he said “this might sound crazy but do you wanna get back together?”, and obviously, i said yes. 2 days later i snuck out to see him and we made out, he was touching me and i could feel the warmth of his hands all over again. i was happy to be in his arms again, even if it meant having to deal with his behaviour and selfish needs. we f**ked and made out again, then we went home. fast foward to the next friday or whatever, he gets super dry and when i go back to text him i see that he blocked me. im still not over him, still not over the way i miss how his hands felt on me, still not over the depression and damage that was caused by the sudden loss of feelings AGAIN. i have severe depression and constantly have suic*dal thoughts. im going to end it all soon. im not pure. i cant handle the touch of another person. i want him to be with me again, he wasnt just lustful, he actually seemed to care about me. he’s held me when i cried. and he sure as hell has a heart worth loving. i miss you, ibr.

– sparklefart539

My ex wife , as we are ongoing FWBs without relationship, is aware that i am the secret oral rellief for a select group of older married men in my neighborhood. She knows i dont take risks orput her at risk. She teases me about it and it is fine. While one of the many issues that lead to our divorce included the difference in our s***** comapibility, we have been making the s** work at a surprising frequency if usually still pretty vanilla. But things took a turn overmight. She came by unannounced, which is rare. She has a key and is allowed to drop by whem she wishes but rarely does because she has very mixed feelings about the risk of dropping by when i am on my knees for a man from the neighborhood. I realized she was inside the house waiting for me only after i came back from the backyard shed where i give the men what they need. I waa surprised and embarassed and she was giggling at my reaction. But i watched as she dropped her sundress…she was bare beneath it as she usually is….walked up to me and pulled me in for a kiss. I hesitated knowing full well she would taste what i had just done but she insisted, telling me she knew, and hit me with a deep open mou t mouthed kiss, exploring the residual taste in my mouth. I wa shocked but let her do as she wished. She broke and csught her breath then pushed me back to the sofa aggressively and pulled off my tank and shorts. I was barely seated when she straddled me and sat on my erection. I was looking up into her face but she did not want to look me in the eye. She leaned into me and her face was in my neck and she told me to not speak. Both our climaxes were quick and intense. She caught her breath then rose ans took my hand to the bedroom and we were deep in it again, longer but still intense. After she turned her back to me to spoon and took my hand to her breast and asked me to just listen. I learned that she had gotten there a while ago seen the shed door open to the beautiful day and snuck close and managed to watch without me and the man realizing we were being watched and she stayed there until he had finished and she had gone quietly into the house to wait for me. She told me she didnt even know if she was going to mention it kr keep it her little secret but when she tasted him in my mouth her reservations vanished. Without me saying a word she described her reaction to what she saw and as she did she began to move my hand in hers over her body,ultimately shoving my hand between her thighs to m********* her as she kept talking about what she saw. She rolled onto her back and pushed my head down to her and i ate her ravenously as she moaned about wanting to watch again, up close, wanting to join me on her knees in the shed, wanting to swap the man’s c** after, how dirty it was that i was eating her out with another man’s c** still in my mouth, and came hard when she drscribed wanting him to f*** her and have me clean her after. She even shocked me with another deep open mouthed kiss tasting herself and swearing she still tasted him in my mouth. She worked us back into a spoon and was silent for some time. Eventually she was fidgety and i realized she was in tears. She resisted but i turned her toward me and held her as she cried. Eventually she spoke again telling me she didnt know how to process how it felt to be that turned on by what she thought would disgust her and that she felt she was getting addicted to the s**, and ashamed to tell me that she wanted to be in the shed with me and a man and even f*** him and she started crying again while fighting to say she even wanted to help a man f*** me so she could watch and f*** me after with a man’s c** dripping out of both of us. She went silent and begged me not to talk so i just rose and took her hand and took us to the shower. That of course led to s** again but it was longer and sslower and only about us. After when i walked her to her car she said before she left that she realized her thoughts were very real and knew we would have to talk about all of it again when we were not naked in bed. She asked if she needed to not come over unannounced and i tiold her it no longer seemed necessary if she liked watching secretly. She said that she wanted to talk about all of it again not in the heat of the moment but that she needed me to help her process her feelings and tboughts because she did not trust herself to decide if any of this became reality. I am posting this as a random feeling because like her i am unsure what to think or do moving fiorward and still thinking how insane and toxic it is even for us to be having ongoing s** even without anything else changing or being explored.