Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

I feel terrible. Sugar makes me sick. Diabetes is killing me . I really hate this feeling. I just feel the need to sleep forever . Im sooo tired .

I need to exercise. I happen to feel very sick. I ate too many jelly beans. Wish I could exercise. Im just too sleepy right now. All I wanna do is sleep.

How does an octopus go into battle? Easily…Well-armed.

What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.

Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner’s on me.

What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast! 🤗

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

Send em back, build a wall for all illegals. They don’t deserve our continent we built together, Who said they could just abandon it and come ruin our water and land. INS INS INsS

What chip? You trying to see through the winder, stay gay hoe. Stay the gay away from me. I’m not your savior

Minecraft fortnight and late night crying

I want incubus syndrome

I’m in the process of rewiring my brain.
No strong substance no blacking out. Witch means I am in control of myself now.

I’ve smooched and drained some hairy hogs down in Monterey myself 🤜🏼 fistbump bro

Corvallo Winslow

When I was 11 I had my first toxic friends. Yeah, super exciting. I didn’t realize until now that I’m 14 how freaking toxic they were. They controlled who I was friends with and told me to dump any friends that they didn’t like bc apparently “they were toxic”. Please,...

Someone asked me out for the first time and I hate him. I hate him so much. He makes me feel so uncomfortable and unhappy and yet I said yes. I hate myself for saying yes but I felt bad and didn’t want to be mean

I was sent to the offices in Monterrey Mexico for the implementation of a new accounting software. I stayed at a nice hotel and a driver picked me up and drove me back to the hotel. After checking in the first night I went down to the bar and got...

are you ever going to get the hell off my boat so that other people can experience me?? I’m just playing the only hand that you yourself put me in. Jesus.

Literally any other fucker but you. I would rather f*** a Doberman pincher then have your stink on my genitalia

Back burner b****, your actually f****** up my game hoe. Wait your turn B**** or step out da line for another warm place 2 putit

9. I am grateful to my owner. 🧘‍♂️
I am clearly not capable of being an adult.
I truly feel this way. I need to receive checks and live in a tiny apartment.

You c*** dyke, i cannot believe that s*** came from your w**** a**. Incel c*** acts like she voices her opinions, every single time you do it sounds f****** crazy b****. S*** a c** rag on the floor and shove it in your c***, you’ll never get to experience s*****...

Time for pineapple , with apples coleslaw All home made

im scared to learn what love is, but i think im falling for them

Corvy Winslow? Why I remember him, say he sucked my pecker after the sock hop!

Steve Brandano

P.S. after he sucked my pecker he sucked off the entire basketball team in the locker room, mostly blacks.

There was a party after that and everyone heard the football team was...

I think I have a solution where everyone wins!
I need you to stab me..
I fill my need to see you and get your respect and you can satisfy that hatred I caused.
This is a very real offer. I’m scared you wi say yes but...

I was being kind. I cheers coffee b****.

What are you talking about cheers?

Are you drinking in the morning?

You probably are because who cheerses with coffee?

Go die in a hole, sunshine.

F*** you 🖕

M.B.

7. I no longer wish harm upon myself. 💯

Did you warsh ya swamp assssssss? That’s the only snake i speak — Harry Potter—

I only work 9-12ish tonight. 🥳🥳

I only work 9-12ish tonight. 🥳🥳

I mean as a virgin I wanna do everything I can first b4 penetration cuz where’s the fun in life without it? Am I right ladies 😇

I was also super wet cuz I love his moaning it makes me feel like the BADDDESTT B****! So once that w**** came he was first to hear so he knew what to do I was so annoyed 😒 like b****.. ugh

As we were making out he unzipped his fly and let me give him a h****** he kept moaning that my hands were so soft but THEN SOME B****! Almost walked in on us c*** blocking hoe he didn’t j*** in my hands 💔 F***!

You say gods not with us in the gutters and s*** and piss but he’s everywhere, he sees us what we’ve done to heaven. We are sinners cast unto the light may he have mercy for our trespasses and forgive us with sympathy, compassion and understanding. i pray now brothers...