Well strap it on lady love, (imitating baby’s cry) MOTHER!

looking at gay p*** with out girlfriend knowing

When I was around six or seven, I stayed the night at a friend from school’s house. When it’s time for bed I have to share a bed with my friend, we both normally sleep in our underwear so that’s all we have on. About ten minutes after we laid...

Obviously you either have … a sick husband, you don’t have a husband, you are not attracted to men &or resent them. Either way nobody cares im glad you found a safe space fat chicks

13. SOMEONE KEEPS TESTING ME!
Do you like Wendys?
When deez nuts hit your chin.
😜😂😂 I don’t care that you are f****** with my emotions. 🤝
I told you to abuse me physically. 🤷

No Uncle Biden don’t put your special finger in there!!!

There’s this boy named Steven. He’s kinda a family friend of mine who i met last year. I noticed him one day because he could not stop staring at me. He was so dreamy and handsome. I told my cousin about it months later and she told him but I...

I bottomed for Joe Biden at an adult video store in Delaware back in 1999.

Above average jizzlestick but no rhythm whatsoever, just jackhammers the entire time.

I saw him there another time getting his cheeks split by Cornpop who is an African American gentleman who has a taste...

Why was the window purple?

Because the lawyer s*** on it!

LlmaaooLmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

lololololol

rotflmao!

ha

Tell us what drugs your on? You got to this block without hard work so what are you selling junkies?

What did the British umpire say to the batter? Europe.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows don’t go who, they go moo!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the suitcase, you load the car!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
Goliath down, you look tired!

What does it make you if you see a robbery at an Apple Store? An iwitness.

What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a keyboard? The space bar.

Why did the bee get married? He found his honey.

How do you stay warm in any room?
Sit in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. It’s your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about – it’s been collecting dirt on you for years.

What did the grape say to the silly peanut butter? You’re nuts!

How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks— I’ll never part with it!

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.

Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

Where does a spy go to the toilet? A gents!

A big moron and a little moron were standing on a cliff. The big moron fell off. Do you know why the other one didn’t? Because he was a little more on.

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.

What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night.

What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle.

Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.

What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.

brains really fucked up ive been in the back yard staring at the sun.

I j******* to i***** p*** so much, I fantasize every couple I see as i***** in one way or another. If their different colors I just think step or half. My brains really fucked up ive been in the back yard staring at the sun.

Discovering my mom’s p******: Part two…
That fateful day was the night my sister went on a date and came home super drunk. I knew something was up because she was crying and my mom took her into the bathroom. I tried to listen but they were whispering, and...

“Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.”