What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.

Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere

What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.

Awww ty for your kind words. Im happy to bring smiles ( cupcakes too if I knew u) for everyone. We need to enjoy life .

I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey

What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.

How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.

How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.😄

What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”

What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.

Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.

Discovering my mom’s p******.
I was maybe 13-14 and one day I am playing in the basement and we had this clothes chute from the bathroom and the door was on a spring and went BAM whenever anyone threw something in it.
So I just happened to be...

nearly confessed to someone and f*** i realized i’m out of his league

The address is s e n d v i d . c o m / cjkcwsau

I am 71M. I played with my c*** in video. sendvid.***/cjkcwsau

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.

What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks!

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear…

What’s a cats favorite color?? ..purrrr-ple.

What’s the most musical part of the chicken? The drumstick.

What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

I feel terrible. Sugar makes me sick. Diabetes is killing me . I really hate this feeling. I just feel the need to sleep forever . Im sooo tired .