• 3 weeks ago

Bro this is a vent at my mother for the bitchy things she has done, so she trying to act all high and mighty saying she shoulda never wasted her time with us and she has sacrificed so much but the thing is the only reason we turned out like this is you guessed it she abusive, So lemme tell you about this time I was in third grade and was trying to do my homework in the basement and then she turned on the tv I asked her to plse lower the volume she said no focus on your work and then I turned around and she must have thought I had an attitude so she made me do this punishment exercise without rest (which leaves your legs hurting for days) and then I was crying and she said to stop crying because she was watching Tv and it was a lot of noise, and then I said that’s exactly how I was feeling when the Tv turned on and (since my dad was at work at the time, notice my dad wouldn’t have let her do it) she said maybe when your dad gets home he’ll find your body dead this was the first time I started thinking of my mother as a trashy bitch, before I knew she was harsh, but I still tried my best to please her since she was my mother, I was depressed for days and then started spending time playing video games, I tried to think of it logically I told myself it was the stress from working and being in school at the same time (my mother re did her college degree) she would constantly sleep and everyone would be relaxed when she is a sleep only when she came down stairs is when everyone was tense. After a while, I had calmed down but then I noticed she would have mood swings, one day she woke up came downstairs yelling and screaming and she was putting on the blame all to my older sister as my older sister was crying. This really showed me her true nature. On mothers day that year, we went over to our cousin’s house, I hadn’t known what mothers day was (3rd grade) and my older sister had forgotten on that day she was angry that she hadn’t gotten anything for mother’s day and said that we were ungrateful wretches and she said she wishes she hadn’t given birth to us. She then made us clean everything because she has a cleaning complex I guess. After that everything got more extreme. I and my younger sister were about to head to the bus stop which was 5 minutes away, and my mother screamed why arent you ready don’t you want me to drive you, I said ok we can walk and I guess she thought I was talking back to her because then she punched me right in the face, and I’m African American so when I tell you that you could clearly see the black eye you could clearly see it. This made me sad all the way to school and the teachers saw the black eye and called home to see if everything was ok. After a while, my mother kept screaming and yelling using every excuse she had to yell at me. Eventually, at the parent-teacher conference, my teachers told my father that I had been sad every day before school started, and then he stopped my mother. Soon she would scream and yell and threaten to harm us every time she got out of her room. This had me so depressed I was fully enveloped in video games. One day it had been time to clean things with chemicals. I hadn’t known how to use the chemical so I looked at the directions which told me to dilute it. I diluted the bottle and cleaned the area. My mother got mad at me because I had diluted the chemical that was inside which wasn’t the same chemical the container held. I who hadn’t known it got punished by doing the punishment exercise and then she said I was useless and I am nothing but a drag and I was an ungrateful wretch. It had me so depressed to the point where I tried to take my own life with a necktie by hanging myself in my closet. It was God himself that intervened by breaking the necktie. After that, I hadn’t had the courage to try it again, so instead, I just became more enveloped in video games. After a couple of years, her abusiveness had downsized and she had been in her room more. I had tried to do a cool trick I had seen on the internet to look cool so I could get all the girls in my class if u know what I’m saying. But it failed, and My mother had seen me and started yelling and screaming at me, and my father the one person I had thought I was safe with also screamed and yelled at me and started pushing me into the wall saying is this how a man should act? you’re a disgrace. I snapped and ran away from my house trying to get to the local homeless shelter. I had failed and they had called the police to find me. Everyone was mad at me my grandma my sisters. This made me even more enveloped in my video games. This happened roughly around 7th grade. Now I am 14 in 8th grade about to be 15 and in high school, and I finally made a realization, It’s my future in my hands why the fuck should I care about her. I’ve finally promised myself that when I am 18 I will move out completely and If I ever succeed I’m not going to even give a fuck about her. I am glad I’ve made that realization now in my adolescence because now I am aware of what not to do as a parent. And I understand this is only from my perspective and I may be warping it for my own gain, but these things really did happen, and every time she talks in a soft tone she pitties herself saying all that happened to her and how she sacrificed so much. I’ve heard her story of how her mother abandoned her and she was abused by her relatives, and how hard she has worked and I have tried to sympathize with her but I also came to another realization. She was venting all the pent-up anger and rage she has from the past on us her children. I still resent her for everything she has done, and how everyone around me completely turned, but I realized that if I don’t let it go my children will be just like me, so I have promised myself When I move out at 18 I will leave all the anger and pain out and only keep the love and compassion. For my future wife and for my future kids.