I’m 27y old, living on disability, rarely in contact with other people. Yesterday I bought on a whim a stuffed animal, a small puppy, while I was buying other groceries. I’m not sure what exactly sparked it; I just saw him and thought, ‘I’m buying him.’. It felt so absurd yet so right; he’s perfect in every way, from size to textures; his paws so soft and cutely big for his puppy body, his eyes bright and perky.

I didn’t feel embarrassed; I was certain that the cashier would just assume it was a gift for some kid. I brought him home, and since then he’s been in my lap all the time. While I was on my computer, I was stroking him like one does a cat. While I was cooking, I put him on the kitchen counter to wait. I hugged him while falling to sleep, and woke up happy.

Maybe the loneliness has finally broken me, made me go round the bend. I like to think I’m as rational and reasonable human being as one can be, but maybe… maybe in my life accepting the comfort like this IS the rational thing. I feel less anxious, less stressed; the tension is gone from my shoulders and the heavy weight of poverty and no-future feel less so with this new unexpected companion by my side.

I’m perplexed but I’m at the point in my life where I’m not going to look at gift horse’s mouth and examine this too deeply. Something silly and crazy brings calm and comfort? Whatever. It’s between me and Roy.