I’m a young gay man. I was in a committed monogamous relationship for several years. At one point I grew bored and started having dark impulses to offer my body to random men behind my lover’s back. I fought these urges for a long time until I discovered that Craigslist allowed for anonymous s***** encounters of all kinds, and then later the gay hookup app Grindr became popular as well.

My dark urges took over. It was very easy and convenient for me to engage in them behind my lover’s back because he did not make me work and in fact worked 50+ hour weeks so that I didn’t have to. I would have random men over when he was earning our keep and be waiting on all fours by the front door, ready to be mounted. I would beg them to penetrate me b******* in the bed I shared with my lover, and to c** inside of me. Names were of no interest to me. Their histories did not matter. All that mattered was that they were very attractive with large dicks and were eager to debase me.

There were a few notable occasions when I even constructed a “gloryhole” by the front entrance way of our house so that I could s*** their dicks or bend over backwards with my b*** on their side of the curtain without seeing or being seen at all. The fact that I never actually saw these men in person, that they could have lied about their appearance completely, thrilled me even me. I loved it.

It was through this deeply adulterous relationship that I recognized my true purpose on this planet. I later left my lover, mostly out of boredom at his needs and the tame life he offered. I never contracted a disease and to this day, he does not know.

I’m not sorry.