To all newbies, welcome to SimplyConfess! Today I’ll be your tour guide to this absolute cesspool of humanity.

Oh, you thought this was just a site to anonymously let secrets off your chest and go on your merry way? That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo.

Here is the place where you can find every sort of ‘ist: racists, sexists, ableists, classists, anti-vaxxer…ists, the works! Be wary of racebaiting posts, they tend to occur in rapid succession and generate heaps of drama within the comment sections!

Oh, you didn’t know? There’s comment sections, meaning your deepest darkest secrets (ha, like anybody genuinely confesses around here) can receive many, many unwanted two-cents. Comment sections on SimplyConfess are the actual pinnacles of cancer, so beware any comment sections exceeding 3 posts.

It wouldn’t be a true SimplyConfess tour if I didn’t mention the pedophiles. Tons upon tons of utterly unapologetic pedophiles. You see, only on SimplyConfess is it a hot trend to depict child molestation and r*** in graphic detail, the more graphic the better. It won’t be long before you spot a SimplyConfess p*** in the feed!

SimplyConfess isn’t for everyone, though. Beware if your occupation has anything to do with soliciting taxes, because taxes are the number one enemy of the SimplyConfess community. You are guaranteed to receive relentless reminders that TAXATION IS THEFT. It’s also common for seemingly raunchy stories to abruptly end with such a catchphrase, so be mindful.

We have some very special particular users on SimplyConfess, many of whom are veteran posters of the site. Some of the well-known SimplyConfess celebrities (because that’s something to be proud of) include notorious backsnatch breeder Corvallus, a dirty old man who enjoys airport hookups with men; a recently-infamous ten year old known for spamming with emojis and repeating the word “TROLL” fifty thousand times; and the Gator Lady, a woman who has only ever posted once on this site but has been immortalized for her tale of throwing a live alligator and pulling a shotgun out of her p*******. Keep a close lookout and you might just spot one of them!

Now, with a site like SimplyConfess, one has to ask: how the f*** has this shitshow not been deleted yet? Well, it appears everyone else is asking the same question because there’s been a great deal of fearmongering over this past week about getting IPs exposed and the website wiped from existence. And to that, I say you better enjoy this hellsite while it lasts.

So go on, younglings, and explore the many traumatizing hells you will come to know on the site that is SimplyConfess d** com.